Season 17 is upon us. Teams are drafted. Schedules are created. Captains are hyping their teams. Everyone is ready to hit the ice, but before we do that it’s time for the annual Kelch preseason award predictions. There is a 40% chance these will all be wrong. Probably about 30% they will be right. 15% chance you aren’t ready this. 10% probability reading this you will vomit in your mouth. 5% change you just want to punch me in the face. Where am I going with this? I’ve got no clue. I’m Johnny Kling and I don’t make sense. TIME FOR THE PREDICTIONS Calder (awarded to the best rookie) The finalists • DisNub • x88x Kane • Levans70 The Winner: DisNub Let’s be honest this award normally ends up with an offensive player and I don’t see that changing. While Levans has the higher bod value I feel that DisNub has a better fwd line that will help his case. Lady Byng (sportsmanship award basically) The finalists • Ian The Berean • Nabuch • Sauce Walka The Winner: Nabuch The Frenchie fan favorite brings home his first 239 award. He doesn’t hurt his team by taking PIMs and the guy is gonna be playing with the highest paid player in S17 so he should rack up some points. 18.5 (best part time player) The finalists • See Dub 21 • WizzyWar • Dom Silva The Winner: See Dub 21 This guy is the best out of the 3 of them in Verdansk so that’s how I voted. You don’t like it? Eat my shorts Vezina (best Goalie) The finalists • Bcripps • Master Shotgun • The Lime The Winner: The Lime Lime is a liked guy, on a good team. Plus he’s a beast in net, with a number of good players in front of him. Lime shouldn’t get grounded at any point in the season and lose his xbox at any point in this season so he’s got my vote. Selke (best defensive forward) The finalists • Drug MonkeyRX • PowerKill • Ian The Berean The Winner: PowerKill PK is one of the many 2 way players in 239. I think for him to finally have a chance to make a deep playoff run however he has to tap into his defensive game more than ever in NHL21. Norris (best defenseman) The finalists • x88x Kane • Dmart Gaming • COUG4R HUNTER The Winner: Dmart Gaming He’s a polarizing name in 239 and will get the votes. He is probably the odds on favorite to lead Dmen in points. With a good goalie behind him his +/- has a chance to look pretty come the end of the season. Will his d partner fail him? Jack Adams (best captain) The finalists • Fl0de • Young Kelch • Swizz Wrld The Winner: Fl0de If you look close you can see me copping out and not being bias. I’ll take the easy option here and say Fl0de as most consider his team the best. Him managing the PT rotation will eventually be the key to his madness and figuring out what matches mesh well Most Improved Player The finalists • BrickCity • JonMonkey • Gyneman The Winner: Gyneman Okay before y’all burn me at the stake, Brick is on this list because he’s trash. Point blank. That’s the answer. All kidding aside he’s on the list because of the improvement we will see from start to end of the season not previous season to this one. BUT the winner is Gyneman, the lip reader himself. Simple answer is that he just has improved. Wait and see. Hart (MVP) The finalists • Toxzack • PowerKill • Sauce Walka The Winner: Toxzack Before you throw out the bias comments. I had to vote Schwatz here because he threatened me if I didn’t (SOS send help) On top of that he’s gotta carry that bum Tier 3 captain Young Kelch on the left side of the ice. Art Ross Winner: Power Kill (Live view of PK and Anthrax) Rocket Richard Winner: Toxzack These are my predictions for the 239 Season 17 awards. These mean absolutely nothing so go out there and tear it up on the ice. Unless you’re playing my team then shit the bed. I’m Johnny Kling, I love you all. Stay tuned for Johnny Kling’s Classic Hits all season long. To send you off I’ll leave you with a Classic Hit
