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Season 22 Captains Breakdowns Part 1

Discussion in 'Articles' started by x mR aNdersoN o, Jan 14, 2022.

  1. x mR aNdersoN o

    x mR aNdersoN o Active Member Admin

    Dec 5, 2018
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    Its been quite a few seasons since 239 has had a captains list as loaded as we have this year. Literally everyone except Magilla is good. Lord have mercy on my soul and let that old fuck draft someone besides me. If you draft me Mags, I want to be included in your will so I can cash out at least something at seasons end.

    This is the 239 Captains Breakdowns. Mostly for new people to get a feel for your potential captain, secondly for these capts to jerk themselves off to as I say nice things about them. Maybe since they are all so good I'll try and pick out something they are trash at just to fuck with their ego's. We'll see if I can find anything.

    #1 Magilla
    Might as well start with the oldest dude. Magilla is a 239 OG, he is also the only Admin Captaining this season, as we are all a bunch of pussy ass bitches besides Pale and Odd who are on vacay. Magilla is a quiet guy, until he fucks up, unmutes and yells FUCK!!! before promptly muting again. He will 1000% draft a team with 0 annoying people on it. Sorry Kelch, you're off the draft board. Mags will want chill dudes and will want some scorers and stay at home dmen. He himself will almost definitely be rocking the pipes to max his value, but he can also play a #2 d spot as well at LD if he can find a better g option for cheap. Mags greatest strength is he is too old and slow to be jumpy. His biggest weakness is he's too old and slow to get across the net.

    #2 Cob
    Reppin the QC for the Capts in 239 is our favorite frenchy rapper Cob. Cob is making his second appearance at captain. He built a really good team the first time around but his goalie couldnt stop a fucking beach ball. Look for Cob to build a similar team, but save a few pennies to have more than a shooter tooter hanging from his net. Cob is a very chill dude, never seen him angry or rattled at someone. On the ice he will be at his familiar right wing spot. I wont straight up expose who he wants, I think most people know his boys... lets see how many of them he can get! On the ice Cobs best strength is his mind, he thinks the game really well, his biggest weakness is lack of aggression/selfishness/willingness to shoot his own shot.

    #3 Mashotpa
    After recovering from some gummies that had him right fucked up, Mash was conned into captaining by Kelch at the end. Mash is the reigning Rocket winner, and betting favorite to win it again this season. Mash is sorta chill, but also pretty competitive and enjoys a good shit talking of the other team. Is the type to make trades and do what it takes to get a roster that will win, fuck friends. Mash will most likely play LW where he can be free to go score another 100 goals. He most likely will go heavy on Forwards in the draft and make a team that outscores its problems in the back end. On the ice Mash's biggest strength is pure scoring. Nothing is flashy or crazy hard to stop, yet he scores more than everyone else with equal chances. His biggest weakness is his shitty ass wraps that make no sense.

    #4 RAWB
    The season 20 champion captain is returning as capt for s22 after being tossed around a bit last season and treated poorly by Pale Pwnr. The guy is a true utility unicorn that can play all the spots on the ice. RAWB is another of the very chill capts and is a guy who will talk during games about strats and adjustments. He will have a team that has chem, practices and gets better and better and better as the year goes. He won it all from the 8th seed as a captain. Never say die. On the ice RAWBs biggest strength is his understanding of all positions and how to service each spot with support. His biggest weakness is his comfort in playing passively up front.

    #5 Ducky
    First and foremost... he has the best beard in the league. If you have not seen it yet, go check him out on ITC one night with Blaze. Its glorious. On the ice, Ducky is one of our top Goalies in 239. Fresh off a nice little season and playoff performance last year, Ducky is losing his captain virginity this season. Ducky is a really chill, slightly weird guy thats super easy to get along with. He likes the Leafs so give him a break. I think Ducky is going to go out and get himself a solid core of a top dman and a top C, and build a little mini Bronzemen 2.0. Not much to say for strengths and weaknesses, just a bit more consistency is all thats needed to put Ducky in that tier 1 range with the top G's.

    #6 Hall of Fame
    Hally I cant remember atm if he's been a captain or not in 239 before. I thinkkk its his first time, but its been worth the wait as he is one of the premiere players in the league. Hally has been going hard in the paint on scouting lobbies and 12s and should have as much of a clue as anybody going in to tonights draft. Hall is a very quiet guy that you wont hear much from in game unless needed or killing the other team. He will almost certainly be taking his usual spot back at RD and drafting himself some beasts at F and maybe a top flight G. He can carry whomever on D. Hallys biggest strength is his ability to walk down the half wall and feed a tap in out front, his biggest weakness is over aggression/confidence.

    #7 Ziggy
    Should have started here in hindsight.. THE REIGNING, DEFENDING, CHAMPIOOOONNN OF 239; Ziggy. Fresh off smacking the shit out of Dmarts squad in the finals, Ziggy is back to go for the belt again. Ziggy is the #1 or #2 dman in all of 239 in most peoples opinion. If you get drafted to his team, you're probably on the other side of 40 and good at hockey. Ziggy is yet again, a chill dude. He talks and talks some shit but he's pretty even keel. His team will play great team D, play meta on O and have a goalie who doesn't need to do fuck all. Tonight at the draft it would make sense for him to try and go for the same core group he just won with, but he does have extra bakers in the back if needed. Ziggys greatest strength is puck poise in all 3 zones, he holds it the perfect amount of time and passes right when needed. His biggest weakness is in rotations, trusting people to cover him if he stays up.
    Ian The Berean likes this.

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