S26 Preseason Power Rankings Sad news today: after last night’s auction, the world’s supply of angel dust is gone. In more positive news: Shotgun is a doomsday prepper and has a fallout shelter full of the stuff. Joking aside I want to give a round of applause to every captain last night for having the lucidity to even type while that delirious. Media Wizzy needed to make an appearance after last night. You could say I was inspired like Picasso was inspired to paint his masterpiece, "Guernica," after seeing the bombing of a village in the Spanish Civil War. This is my "Guernica." ********************************************************** #8 ScaryTerry -- Taxi Squad Sniper has a very defined role where he can excel at LW: the top of circles push up guy with 2 high-end forwards. No shame in that. His other wing, the captain, is a player who shoots more than anyone, with a characteristically lopsided goal-assist ratio. A little birdie told me that Pensfan is playing center on this team. That's the worst forward line in the league; it's worth 5-9 BODs combined. If the plan is to have the best defense in the league with BLK-Skoden, that unbalancing never works out as intended. The stud defense inevitably gets tired of the offense, starts trying to activate too much, gets sloppy, and so on. I believe I played with Gino in net before, and apologies, but it wasn't pretty. So, this 77 BOD defense might still have trouble keeping pucks out of its net. #7 Yambag -- Hollywood Diner 74 BODs on 1.5 players might be a record. Even in this pool, Anderson was not nearly worth 46 BODs, and no part-time player should ever be 28 BODs (56 BOD equivalent full-time). Dub is a quality wing, but just last season he was 13 BODs. It’s unfair to him, especially when every other top PTer went for 13-17 this season. Yam seemingly zeroed in on a couple names and couldn't say, "No." And you know it’s dire when you have a defense pair, with Curdogg, combining to be over 100 years old. Wienismov hasn't played skater since season 10, and I presume he's back at center. There's moving parts galore: Dub/Roman switching at LW, Cob/Ando probably alternating RW, Curdogg/Ando alternating RD other nights. I see drastic splits without Dub. Can't tell you anything about their goalie, Stewy. Ando probably recommended him on a whim because he had "420" in his name. #6 Kin Dange -- The Islanders I love Ace and I tolerate Adam (I kid), but they’d be the first to tell you that 33 BODs for them as a defense pair is bananas. In a normal season, that's a 7 BOD pair. Adam has sneaky skill, but it's harder to be more of THE guy, rather than paired with Veds or Mash like previous seasons. Mistakes aren't as easily erased or plays created, and Adam takes risks. Lemanski was one of the better forwards in the pool, but the fit up front looks off. Does Lemanski have to play center? Is he comfortable there? Hall made strides last season, and I think he can justify that price at RW in talent, but I don't know if this unit will have much cohesion. If they do? Shit be fluid at this point in the rankings. #5 Surpriseme -- 7 Toews 2.0 29 BODs for a goalie is nutty, but at least he’s the reigning Vezina winner. Shotty's workload from last season likely isn't getting much lighter. Everyone on this roster is a vet, there’s no obvious hole, and yet I can’t say there’s an obvious strength. 7 Toews 1.0 this team is not. Pogs and Surpriseme just had a dream team reunion in season 22, and they were the 2nd worst team, with the 2nd worst offense. First thing's first: prove that's still a good duo. Is Ozzy at center, which seems less than ideal? Even with Buff on a hot streak, this forward group stylistically lacks pace (and passing) to me in a game predicated on pace. Can Gala — a Make-A-Wish 1 BOD bid — handle being a defensive partner to Barrett and not joining the rush constantly and getting caught deep? I've played with him on defense; I'm skeptical. I could see this team’s structure melting under any adversity. I could also see them proving me wrong on depth and goaltending alone. #4 Raterle -- Clappin' Bombs Wheelin' Moms The Pittman-Hammerman-Kaberman trio inevitably reunited. Might have the lowest TOA in the league and be tops in goals because I've seen this story before. Low danger shots from the boards never looked so good. But this game also doesn’t reward shooting perks, especially heat seeker, like the last one. I like Trey for 6 BODs PT, but I’m not feeling the rest of the defense. Rocky is a fine player, even if he’s 15 BODs overpaid, but when you could’ve instead spent 41 BODs on some stud defenseman or PT duo, that’s serious meat on the talent bone. Don't really know their goalies, but as I said, this team screams rope-a-dope possession/shot stats. Short season chemistry though. #3 Disnub -- The Dragons 3? 4? 5? I have no clue, so I'll throw the boys a bone. It's my write-up, fam. If you're going to go into bidding and get the best player in the pool, Mashotpa, for under 50, it's hard to screw the pooch. Sauce hasn't played league in a year. That said, he's always been a speedy dangler, in a game that rewards pace, and there's room for upside as a former perennial 40+ BOD player. Mash is one of the best partners he's ever had in this league. And if Sauce is a pass first player, Mash is always the odds-on Rocket favorite. All the 3rd forward needs to do here is spot up for one timers and cycle quickly. This team is a Season 26 Offense > Defense philosophical bet. However, when top FT goalies usually go for 15-20, spending 15 on a PT noob in net is highly questionable, but JSquad for a buck does balance his pathetic Swiss cheese partner. It's all about defensive question marks with this team. Magilla knows his role as well as anyone. Disnub likely has to play defense, but this team doesn't need Herculean efforts, just systematic 5-man support and good goaltending. #2 Thomahawk -- South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs "Goalieeeeeeboy." Oh, Thomahawk, you were so close! You targeted good players, you didn’t overspend, you handled this auction like a vet. This was the draft where you wouldn't be at any captaining disadvantage. But you did THE THING…..you seemingly put yourself on wing. You had 12 extra BODs to spend on a quality forward to balance this. Your defensive pair is among the best in the league with Odd-Dom/Legion4, but the forward pair looks slightly unbalanced. I assume Schemm is at center, and I know LW is his preference, but he's a fine center. I like the value on Hylightt. You did well. I just think you could've had a lock of a top 2 team with 1 better decision. There's a big gap between this team and #1. #1 Young Kelch -- Gator's Gats Kelch is too yellow bellied to captain with a whiff of captain competition, but credit where credit’s due: he runs circles around guys when he does captain. He don't play no shit. He had a plan, was patient, was willing to pivot away from wild bids, didn’t overspend on a single player. He built a likely top 5 playoff team in a normal season. In this one? He’ll need a Shake ’n Choke 2.0 to fuck this up. Is there a God? Stay tuned! If there's something to nitpick, it's just the usual army of PTers and chemistry angle. I don't think they have a single forward you need to specifically game plan, but this is an offense and defense by committee group anyway.
