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ImN0tEvenG00d

Well well well, how the Illamanati turn the tables

Sep. 6th, 2023

View Thread0 replies57 views

We are back at it again with the last series of the regular season for two of the most untalented teams known to 239. We have The Illamanati vs How The Turn Tables. Goodie vs Hall of Lavé. The newest council member will have his first series after being accepted into the 239 Council.
Congrats to HOF, but you know daddy is gonna have to ruin that parade and absolutely demolish your team.
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View attachment 1488
Does this seem like a 239 councilman to you? Ignoring a fellow 239 member in need?? The answer to that is yes.

Since draft day, I have messaged Hall of Fame “is mash is available” for a trade. I was gonna sell the team. Gayla? Who needs that piece of trash. StRAWBerry?? Blueberries are where it’s at. SpinOzzy? Makes me dizzy. Scoresxx? Anyone can flick up. Call me NoSaves? Trash cans are sometimes better. BarrettZeroGamesPlayedCal? Send me another bench guy.

They were all for sale. I was stopping at nothing to get mash. But Lavé had other plans and decided to make trades with every other team other than mine. So fuck that French clown. He’s washed. He’s lost his thumbs. He’s an average 239 Dman. Yeah he still has 0 ping but walking down the boards and forcing cross crease every. Single. Time. Gets predictable and boring after the 16394729th time, but I digress.

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Anyway, game one doesn't start even remotely close to on time since Hall of Lavé club is glitched and can’t ready up into a game. So I joined their party to try and search a public match.

Here I am minding my own business and all of a sudden I’m getting chirped by JSandbag and Erik Kelcherson for no reason. I’m just trying to start the game but these bozos have to talk shit and kick me once we start searching.

I saw red after that. Time to fuck their night up and destroy them. NOBODY PUTS BABY IN THE CORNER!!!
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Game one was a massacre. They suck. We are better. We win. They lose. Four hundred and two to seven.
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Game 2 was another massacre. They still suck. We are still better. We still won. They still lost. A bakers dozen to one.

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Game 3 they fought back. We didn’t care. They suck again. We are better again. We won again. They lost again. Eleventy six to nothing.
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Series recap:
- You think JMap would think that after the 50th time he crossed the blue line and went to the middle and got demolished he might wanna try and not do that.
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I would never tea bag after every hit I had against him in a league game.

- Erik Kelcherson definitely learned to never kick me from a party during the god damn eashl playoffs when we don’t even know we matchup against each other because he got Illamanati nuts all over him all series getting coned and doing his best HOF impression of walking down the boards and turning it over.
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- HOF, next time trade me Mash. K thanks
- Mash, sorry you gotta deal with these inbreds on your 239 team. I love chel.
-Turtle and Goat, you guys will not be chirped k thanks.

As for my team:
HELL OF A FAAAAACKIN JAWWWWWWWB
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P.S. Lemanski, I’m lookin at you buddy. I’m picking you first round if you don’t jump over us. And if you don’t pick us you’re a bad word.

Goodie out
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x mR aNdersoN o

Agent Sook Extends Veddy WAPs Sentence

Sep. 5th, 2023

View Thread0 replies65 views

For being so dog shit. No parole.

LAST NIGHT IN 239 Hockey:

Sooks dumb team name VS Free Veddy NOPE

Teams Sook's Morons have lost 8? 9? in a row coming in to the night. Sook didnt even have a lineup planned until 8pm. Probably why we suck ass so much. Just oozing leadership over here.

Tonight we face off against Joe ShiiiitIwishIwasGoody, Big CarryMe & their not-so-known associates; in their quest to free the little child they love to suck off in the Bakery's back office.

After a team mutiny to bench Pale and play the god damn three 69 bod players you have together for once... Sook stopped taking gym mirror selfies just in time to get on for 955 and gather the village scrubs from the team chat.

THE LINEUPS
Veddy Wap
LW - Rocky [IMG]

DDOS'er - Sniper [IMG]

C - Joe Shiney [IMG]

RW - Cee

LD - Trey

RD - Dom Silva [IMG]

G - ImmortalBMW [IMG]

Reinforcements - Thomahawk [IMG]

VS The Bench Pale Initiative

LW - Sook [IMG]

C - Ando

RW - No Regz [IMG]

LD - Dvetts [IMG]

RD - Dmart [IMG]

G - Wiener [IMG]

ATTEMPT 1 at Freeing Veddy WAP

Last place shitters (team sook) come out strong, control the early play and take a 2 nothing lead while talkin mad shit like you'd expect from the dead last team. Sniper0270 boots Rocky out of the interwebs again to end the 2nd. After a "the CPU is these bums only chance" analysis from StudMart we make sure to reboot before period 3. Pale Haters come out and smack tf out of Big Charity and the boys in period 3 and win it 6-1. Thomahawk scores the only goal for Free the Offense on a goal you'd imagine thommy would score. Just aids. Fuck your shutty Wien.

ATTEMPT 2 at freeing Veddy WAP

After leaving the Veddy WAPs looking as beat up as well Fetty WAPs face.. we decided to chill and let these bums have a shot. We spent the first 2 periods planning our cup parade around the 239 chats. StudMart with more expert analysis "this line wont lose a game all playoffs, Pale just has to win maybe a game... oh wait fuck we dont even have to play him Sook nvm". Life was good. We looked down and realized we were losing with 15 seconds left, scored at will EZ PZ to tie it 2-2. Decided to look off Bryan in the slot to win it with 3s left because Im nice as as well. TBH just got sick of them pausing after every one of our goals to watch the replay of the "alleged" goalie interference and force passes so we decided not to score yet. Cee and Joe scored their only goals of the series but it was not enough. Now we know why he needs Veddy free'd... Pale Fuckers DEF Veddy Strokers 3-2 in OT on a B-E-A-utiful force pass from Dmart to Bryan.

ATTEMPT 3 at freeing Veddy WAP

By this point all hope was lost. They left Veddy to rot in the cell and ran the fuck back across the border. It was so bad Dom and Trey actually started passing the puck to the left side of the ice. Thommy played offense looking like he was entering some GTA cheat codes, but it was better than what ever the fuck the other side was doing.
When you get swept by a team so far in last that the sweep doesnt even move them 1 spot up in the standings you know its time to pack it up. Go pick up Greek again.
Pale Haters 5 - Veddy Abandoners 0

3-0 Sweep. 14-3 combined score. Suck it nerds <3

/s

ImN0tEvenG00d

Down goes Goliath!!! Illamanatis shock the 239 community

Aug. 25th, 2023

View Thread0 replies79 views

Welcome to the 239 DDos season. It seems that every series is enduring multiple lagouts while having series finish around 1am instead of the normal 1130. Well NOT TONIGHT!!! Tonight’s series would only go to around 1230am which is a 30 minute improvement!!!!

The Illamanati players received a care package from their captain, it included the best 1GB routers money can buy, and Ethernet cables to direct connect to every device they own. Here at the Illamanati, we don’t take chances, we protect ourselves. I put Ethernet cables in every device I own. My CPU, my laptop, Xbox, Smart TV, hell I even shoved a cable up my ass so I NEVER Disconnect. Try me mother fuckers.
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Anyway, the only matchup tonight was between the Illamanati and CLIT (Goodie vs Lemanski) in a battle some say was David vs Goliath.

All pre-season and early games had Lemanskis team being the top dogs. “Omg they’re so good just give them the belt now,” “best roster ever,” “how can they lose?”
Idk about you guys, but I’ve just about had it listening to these fake clowns thinking that they’re the best team this season. They haven’t played the Illamanati yet so…….
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Yeah I stirred shit up in chat on Thursday. Fuck em. How do you motivate a team after they got swept? You show them you have their backs. THATS WHAT GOOD CAPTAINS DO.
I’m not gonna talk bad about my team. I wouldn’t say that Rawb and Gala forgot how to defend simple break outs and gave up 25 breakaways in 3 games. I wouldn’t say that sports and Ozzy forgot how to pass and shoot and skate and do anything useful on the ice. I also wouldn’t say that skull couldn’t save even the most blatantly obvious hockey play shots and stay between the pipes during shots. See I’m not gonna say any of that because that’s not what a good captain does. Instead we talked out some issues and we made it our duty to fix this and bounce back against the “best team in the league”

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Game One started off with the Illamanati just completely dominating the Smelly CLITS. Puck possession and creativity were at an all time high. There was no answer from “the greatest team to ever be assembled.”
But of course there had to be a “lagout” from Lemanskis team and restarts would happen until a waiver was used. It didn’t matter, Lemanskis team sucks and got destroyed 402-7.
With all the lagouts happening (from Lemanskis team) we decided to shut the stream off and try and just finish the series with the actual lineups.
Game 2 started again with a total domination of the game of hockey and again after being down 2-0 after 1, they had another “lagout”. We restarted and got through another period which had the Llamas up 5-1 with another “lagout” happening.
At this point, Lemanski and freak are about to end it all and just jump, so they forfeited to stop the damage being done to their extremely high ego “best team in s29.”
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CLIT doing the only thing they can do after being embarrassed.

Lemanski gets a waiver for game 3 and at this point we felt really bad for them. Like how can the best team in the league get shit stomped by a team who just got swept? I thought they were supposed to steam roll through the league and take no prisoners. How on earth are they losing???

So we did what any team would do. We let them win, simple as that. We aren’t about being an accessory to multiple suicides. So we allowed them a bit of hope and gave them a regulation win to save their fragile egos.

series recap:

- CLIT is not as good as everyone paints the picture of them to be.
- Illamanati can bounce back from being swept.

I’m proud of my team.

[IMG]

ImN0tEvenG00d

The Illamanati provides great wisdom to Wizzys Dumpster fire of a team

Aug. 23rd, 2023

View Thread0 replies74 views

“Everyone any offer”
- Wizzy allegedly in the s29 trade block channel

Greetings fellow Illamanati supporters and non supporters. I’m your host, Goodie and I’ll be bringing you a passage from our latest book, “How to blow up a 239 roster.”
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In this book, we will summarize the correct way to brainstorm, gather materials, construct a plan, and execute the three step plan to help a fellow captain in need blow up his team.

Step one:
You MUST have a LW rookie sand bag in the combine to go cheap. If this isn’t the first thing you’ve thought of, you’re just simply doing it wrong. The objective is to get a talented player to receive a 239 invitation, tell him to absolutely sandbag in the rookie combine so he flys under the radar, and then play him at a position that your 55 bod player is best at.

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Insert player name X SandbagMap

Step two:
This really could be step 1a but for outlining purposes we will be labeling this as step two. This involves paying 55 bods for a dominant LW in 239 and playing him anywhere BUT LW. For example, you could play him at C or his off hand RW to give you the best chance to lose. This step is vital because it allows a huge roadblock in the dynamic ability of a roster.

[IMG]

Ayebutt (pulse Pokemon) attempting to use his water gun attack at C. (He’s an electric Pokémon)

Step 3:
As long as step 1 and 2 are executed to the best of the captains abilities, this step can go in a couple different directions. We advise teams doing the blow up strategy to constantly lag out. You WANT your team to get mad before, during, and after the series. There is simply no reason to play a series without at least 3 lagouts….MINIMUM. This will ensure that your team will not want to try their hardest, build chemistry, and just win games at the very least.

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Series recap:
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Good games. Offense was clicking, team defense was working, goalie making clutch saves. We do enough to win games.

the Illamanati are here to stay. My suggestion is to support our cause. We want to spread awareness and to preach our way of doing things in 239.
For more helpful tips, stay tuned to our next book….coming soon to a store near you.

Goodie OUT

[IMG]

Kaberie

DJ Rats Breaks The TurnTables

Aug. 18th, 2023

View Thread0 replies91 views

RR was back in action on Thursday!

RR Line up:
LW: Bootyclappin
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C: Hammer

RW: Rat

LD: Jimmy

RD: Weazle
[IMG]

G: Drug

TurnTables Lineup:
LW:Eso
[IMG]

C: Mash

RW: HOF

LD: Kelch

RD: Dmart

G: Goat

On the bench:
Reidel
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Game 1
This game was a close one, the fans where upset when RR didn't drop the gloves as they got a league warning from last game. Back and forth with goals from mash and booty leading into the 3rd. The 3rd start still the same back and forth playing in-between the bluelines. Mash scores with 20 seconds left, Drug stood on his head all game long but it wasn't enough as down goes the RR for the first time this season. The fans are not happy,
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Game 2

Game starts off the same as game 1 with back and forth play. Eso gets the turntable on the board early with a 1-0 lead, Hammer responds 1:20 later, at the end of the 1st we have a 1-1 game. Bootyclappin Finally wakes up in the 2nd period putting 2 goals in the net, giving RR a 3-1 lead heading into the 3rd. Who scores again to start the 3rd? that's right Bootyclappin with the natural Hatty. [IMG]

Mash scores late but its to late as Drug Makes his prescience known and seals the deal. RR wins 4-2

Game 3
This game was the exact same as game 1, very tight unlike bootyclappins mom. More of the neutral zone game. Hammer scores in the 1st to make it a 1-0 game both goalies playing very well. No goals in the 2nd. Heading into the 3rd Mash tells his team to hold his beer. Scores a Wrap goal to tie it up 1-1 with 13 mins to go in the game. Game is going back and forth until the final 30 seconds where a puck goes from hammer to weazel to Jimmy (Yes that's right Jimmy got the puck with 30 seconds left, everyone was shocked), Jimmy shoots it and Captain Rat tips home the game winner with 4 seconds to go.

Replay of Dmart after the goal:
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RR takes the series 2-1 in a very hard fought battle!

Great Series to Turntables the series could've gone either way.

3 Stars of the Series
1) Drug (standing on his head)
2) Bootyclappin ( 4 goals 1 assist)
3) Goat (Played Well)

RR Nation is going wild.
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Well well well, how the Illamanati turn the tables
Posted by ImN0tEvenG00d on Sep. 6th, 2023
0 replies and 57 views

Agent Sook Extends Veddy WAPs Sentence
Posted by x mR aNdersoN o on Sep. 5th, 2023
0 replies and 65 views

Down goes Goliath!!! Illamanatis shock the 239 community
Posted by ImN0tEvenG00d on Aug. 25th, 2023
0 replies and 79 views

The Illamanati provides great wisdom to Wizzys Dumpster fire of a team
Posted by ImN0tEvenG00d on Aug. 23rd, 2023
0 replies and 74 views

DJ Rats Breaks The TurnTables
Posted by Kaberie on Aug. 18th, 2023
0 replies and 91 views

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