Reports were flooding into the 239 community late Tuesday night about a bombing at a local dog park. Initial reports have revealed that the bombing lasted about an hour and a half with no survivors.
The alleged bombing incident took place at Magillas community dog park for the dumb and blind and terrible thumbs. With more to the story, here’s an absolute beauty of the 239 community, and last seasons CHAMPION, Duck.
Thank you guys for the warm welcome. Yeah so it appears to have been an absolute massacre at Magillas late Tuesday night. There are no survivors, just a lot of dead dogs and their liberal owners as well. What was once an area full of Wagging tails, is now just a pile of dog shit.
We are getting word that the attack was executed by the new terrorist organization “The Osama Zynladen Organization” or TOZO for short. This group is lead by their fearless leader Imn0teveng00d, accompanied by his right hand man, Mashtopia, as well as Ace Soul, Facezcar, Riedel, and BigMac.
Goodie getting the boys rallied up for the Jihad
These guys do not play games. Apparently last week when the schedule was made, a Jihad was announced on this poor dog park. Of course mainstream media swept this story under the rug because they thought Goodie is all talk, but they’re eating their words this morning at ground level of this horrific scene here today. TOZO is seen more as a troll organization, spreading fake news and empty threats, so nothing like this could have been taken seriously at first, which is most likely the reason why this attack was ignored.
It all happened Friday evening when the leader Goodie was egoed in the LFG group by one of the other teams here in 239. All he wanted to do was play goalie and vibe. But the egos were too high and didn’t let him vibe. This clearly made him extremely angry which definitely put a target on his first opponent. Reports have shown that Magilla and his team did absolutely nothing to receive such a horrible act of violence. They only have the egoers to blame for this.
The TOZO attack had 3 phases in total.
Phase one: “Nothing to see here”
This phase is all about being incognito.
Slowly gain a perimeter around the Dog park. The objective is to be barely seen, barely heard. This is a tactic seen multiple times by this terrorist group, surrounding their potential target in a covert way to minimize detection. Nothing too fancy, nothing too loud, just a 2-1 victory in the first phase.
Phase two: “Play dead, retreat, believe, ambush”
This phase is all about allowing the other team to completely control 2 periods of the game, scoring 4 goals to your 0 and allowing them to think that you’re dead. Once your down 4-0 at the end of 2 periods, you turn this opportunity into a full offensive attack. Bombs, grendades, RPGs, dead dogs, whatever you can throw at them you throw. But the key to this phase is YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE. Once the belief was activated, you win 6-5 in OT to overcome a 4 goal deficit in 20 minutes.
Phase 3: “burn them all”
This phase is about finishing what you started. Yeah 2 wins is good and all, it’s a series win. But the sweep is so much better. All the blown off limbs, the blood, the horror, you leave it all out there for the world to see. You complete this phase by winning 4-3 and leave no doubt.
TOZO has shocked the community and we have also just been informed that there are plans in place for more vicious attacks in the future. Everyone should be on high alert, hide yo kids, hide yo wives. Back to you guys in the studio.
Thanks Duck, well there you have it folks, TOZO completed their first act of violence and something tells me it won’t be their last. Enjoy the feeling of being alive for now, TOZO might just send a Jihad your way.
