Welcome 239 to the first writeup of the season. Come join me and the boys at the first ever 239 freakoff!
Season 34 is among us… skates are sharpened, sticks are retaped, baby oil is well stocked, each team has hope for a chance at the belt. Opening night for my team begins with a matchup with my previous LW Champion duo last season in @mashotpa and his squad. (Mash seen below)
Lets meet the teams shall we?
Up first the 239 Freak-offs
Iggy – Mash – Killershot
Choco – Bomb2r
Thommy (not seen below bc he’s on baby oil duty)
VS
Rat Revolution
RW: The Captain as expected Kabz aka Rat
LW: Young Kelch
C: xJLucas (rookie debut)
LD: SeidEffect (rookie debut)
RD: BlueLineKing7 (will be called BLK from here on out on writeups)
G: St1dwalledGOAT
Now you know the rosters… lets talk about how we got here. Draft was recent, and the two capts had different strats. Mash swung and missed at landing Abutt he bid 68 on a player and DIDNT get him. GET PALED! Meanwhile Kabz spent heavy on a Dman in BLK making him the highest paid Dman (welcome back to 239 after a year off). Either way enough of the yip yapping… Lets get down to some hockey. GRAB THE BABY OIL ITS ABOUT TO GET FREAKY!!!
Game 1
Oh we came… the boys went to work at the freak off. JLucas started the season off with the first goal by getting oiled up in the crease with Thommy. That was the start of the landslide Kelch and Kabz put up 7 points each, that’s not a typo. Mash’s boys had a bad game and Ando wasn’t even there whispering in their ears yet… The passive aggressive whisperer is coming
Final Score: RATS 9-2
After game 1 mash rallied the troops in the locker room to right the ship. Did it work?
Game 2
This game being the first home game for the Rats they are excited to hit the ice at the Sewer. This game was more of the same another Diddy pounding. Hattys for both Lucas and Kabz, Seid added a goal and I lit the lamp twice. Twas a good time for the home fans, cheese was given to all who attended. Here is a clip of the Kelch highlight of the night (sorry Choco)
Final Score: RATS 9-4
OUR FIRST 239 FREAK OFF RAID
Swat came in and scooped up all the baby oil from the stadium. They arrested Mr Anderson who was in the press box yelling at Thommy to make a fucking save. The boys at Rat Revolution were surprised by the raid and knew that this was becoming potentially the worst night in the Freakoffs season so they did the honorable thing and lost game 3 on purpose to let them have something to be proud about. We did NOT want another FDM KILL situation on our hands.
Game 3
Who knows what happened. As Mash always says if there is no baby oil does it even matter?
Final Score: they won
GGs to 239 Freak-offs I love you all, except for Ando that guy fucking sucks. Absolute dogshit player. Shake it off, it is only the first series of the season plenty of time to get back on the trot. Good luck the rest of the way.
3 Stars of the night
1) Young Kelch 4G 9A when you lead the league in pts after opening night you gotta be 1st star
2) Kabz 7 goals, starting his Rocket Richard attempt this season early on
3) JLucas 5G 6A 52% on the dots in his 239 debut
In a true Kelch writeup fashion lets take a look at the theme song for the Rats
239 I love yall Kabz has forced me to say this last line but remember everyone…
RATS ARE PEOPLE TOO