Last weekend @reep14 sent the Shaggin Wagon J.E.T. (Jetliner Ejaculation Transportation) to pick up the newly acquired Young Kelch and Bar Down. This is the true beginning of the Shaggin Wagon’s season, they have now obtained a sexy, sophisticated, honorable man and also snagged me in the process.
I’ve seen the other writeups and they’ve included violence, hatred and many times a midget. Here at the Shaggin Wagon headquarters we are all about Peace and Lov…. I can’t do it, I can’t follow the company script any longer.
Who’s Horny? Who’s Frisky? Who’s Down to Shag?
*disclaimer… its gonna happen, one way or another*
Let me show you exactly how it will go down.
Tonight on Monday Night RAW, and i’m not talking wrestling we have Shaggin Wagon vs the Trouser Limp Dicks. Lets meet the rosters shall we?
SHAGGIN WAGON
RW – Reep14 and RD – BcBud (secret lovers)
C – Dradle
LW – Bar Down 43
LD – Young Kelch
G – Weazle
Vs Trouser Dogs
Rawb – Joe Shiney – SlightlyBelowAvgLibido
JG813 – ProdigiousCooter
St1DWallNotTheGoat
Game 1: High scoring game could be due to shitty Dmen or could be due to even trash tendy play. No one really knows, its probably AdamHayWired’s fault somehow tbh. We felt bad for the group of erectile dysfunctioners so we let them have this one, I mean we knew they weren’t gonna stay strong for long anyway.
Final Score: 6-5 The team that @the-thomahawk cheers for while riding pine. He’s basically Mac Jones 2.0.
Kelch you need more heart
Kelch has No Heart
ImNotEvenTall and Swizzy69’dATrannyNamedSapperLe in Bales chat after Gm1
Game 2: After a heartfelt pregame locker room circle jerk the boys were ready to go to war. This game was so easy, pure domination so rightfully so it was tied in the 3rd because we wanted to test ourselves against some adversity. Late in the 3rd Goat saw his DMs where I was blackmailing him to throw the game or else I would leak the videos of him and his neighbor’s goat (the real reason for his gamertag), next thing you know he was throwing the puck out every chance he got. He threw one right to Reep and dunked for the game.
Final Score: 3-2 Shaggin Wagon
(Blackmailing someone shows you have heart)
The above picture is in reference to Goat skating around trying to get off the ice mid game thinking there was a delayed penalty. Dude is lost out there.
Game 3: Both teams are lubed up, getting our freak on and then these can’t fill a trouser group of bozos wanted to actually try. Pshhh this is the day after the Super Bowl, you think we were going to blow the game like the 49ers? C’mon man that was never gonna happen we have so much HEART! Enough to where I said let them score to tie it so we can win it in overtime just to prove how much heart we have. So I purposely giveaway the puck for the game tying goal. Get Rekt Weazle!
Now in OT the boys can win and splooge all this heart on the ice. Dradle uses jedi mind tricks to magically score the GWG. Below is an accurate view of the play.
Final Score: 4-3 SW
GGs to Trouser Dogs, its not your fault that your penis’ don’t work properly. Don’t worry please reach out to 239’s very own pharmacist @drugmonkeyrx who will help hook you up with some ED medication. If you can’t get ahold of him on discord please give him a call at 1-800-OLD-FUCK
3 Stars of the night
1. Dradle 6G, 4A and one shiney bald head
2. Goat for sucking massive donkey dick
3. All of the Heart
239 be safe out there rumor has it there is a wild terrorist midget on the lose. If you see him do not engage without your pants unzipped, don’t ask me how I know.
Now before you go I will bless you all with my favorite song of the week. This one really warms my heart, and if you are a football fan it will yours as well. Kelch out!