Pale didn’t give me a “welcome to the team”, not a “I wanted you on my squad”, or even a “I’m happy to have you here” … instead
So here I am as my captain requested. Funny enough it’s the first time Pale has drafted me in 36 seasons. So I HAVE to come through. Before I jump into the REAL Power Rankings, I got one thing I need to do real quick. Let’s take a look at the last 10 seasons stats on Defense only for Dvetts and myself.
Dvetts loves to call me out in his power rankings every single season like clockwork (which is fine, bring back chirping in 239 PLEASE!) but let’s at least try to be realistic or creative with what we say. 10 seasons seemed like a good amount of games to look things over. In less games i’ve got more wins and points. If i’m bad value on my team at 3BODs then I get why you are fwd only this szn in low tier capts group. Could even mention you played in only 1 finals game last szn before you were benched after losing that game 6-1. See things like this is what you gotta bring up so the chirps have a bit of humor to the situation rather than a copy & paste one on repeat. Enough of telling y’all how Dvetts and I are ASSSSSS, time for the REAL POWER RANKINGS
Time for Kelch to make his Power Rankings debut
#1 in the Power Rankings
BIG STICK ENERGY
lineup
Schemmm/Sejje/Ando – Pale/Ando – Wizzy
Kelch/Ando/Schemmm – Epik
MacDog/BracedRobin/Ando
This team is the best team ever created, you will worship the ground we skate on, we have 73 part timers, we don’t know where they’ll play, we don’t know what the lines will play out to be… we don’t care we will beat you! Pale said he has the biggest BIG STICK ENERGY and he plans to let you all get a taste of it this season. He’s waited 39 seasons to swing this MASSIVE cock around and win a championship again in 239 (and his first as a skater). So might as well not even worry about playing the games but don’t worry he’ll keep the Belt safe in South Jersey.
P.S. MR Anderson whispered something that we couldn’t hear but it seemed like he was cracking jokes about teams sucking
CAPTAINS PAY ATTENTION TO THIS NEXT PART… IF YOU ARE GOING TO CAPTAIN YOU HAVE TO BID UP GUYS THAT ARE WORTH BIDDING UP SO THEY DON’T GO FOR DIRT CHEAP
#2 -7 Power Rankings in no real order
2. Those Guys… ASS
3. Blades of Heels… ASS
4. Toxic Attraction… ASS
5. The Gizzard Kings… ASS
6. Back Door Bangers 2… ASS
7. Daddy Daycare… ASS
Good luck this season playing for who comes in second place. I will end this writeup with the song that Pale told me is his favorite song right now